She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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