I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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