I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
