i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
My balls are so social today.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
