Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Randomize
