I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
