Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize