i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
