whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
