Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize