I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
