you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
