your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
