david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
