Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
