in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
