That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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