I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
