I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
