U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
