Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
jump out the window naked night went bad
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