Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Randomize
