how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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