Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
