my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
