Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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