but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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