Will you blow on my dice?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
