i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
