Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
