thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
