Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize