the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
