just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
