I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize