he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
