I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
