He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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