Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
