i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
