3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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