marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
