Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I'm passing your future prison.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
