You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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