Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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