i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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