the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
