I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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