my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
