I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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