Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
