The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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