I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
