Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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