like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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