This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
