I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
one might say we're banned from that church
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
