Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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