the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
