Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
