Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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