Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize