I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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