Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
