so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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