My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Randomize
