I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
