i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
