I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
